Sadness...

I know this is a crappy way to get back into blogging, but I have an extremely heavy heart and need to spew a bit. Over the weekend a 6th grade boy from my daughters school committed suicide. Yes, you read that right. A 12 year old boy committed suicide. It was the day of the schools 1 mile pumpkin run and Halloween parties, when the kids were informed. The first to learn were the 6th graders and as the younger ones saw the tears flowing, the rumors started. He was hit by a car, he jumped in front of a car, he took pills, he had a heart attack, etc. I'm not one to butt into conversations, but I knew in my heart I needed to find out this info. As the day went on, letters were distributed to the teachers on what they should say and extra counselors were brought in from all over the district. The letter said it was an unfortunate accident and it was read to Jakey's class while I was in there. Being in 1st grade, all the kids wanted to do was share about people they knew that had passed. A counselor was brought in but the kids quickly started to tell her about their costumes. Jojo's class was read the same letter and she said that it was a very sad mood in her class (the parties were at the same time, so I couldn't be in both rooms at the same time). Jojo knew the little boy, but he wasn't someone she would call a close friend. I was walking back and forth between rooms when I was finally told what happened and I was completely in shock. How can someone of 12 years of age think that life is so very bad, that they need to end it? How did no one see this coming? Where was his support system? I knew then, that our ride home from school was going to be rough, this wasn't a subject I could let slide under the rug. On the ride home I explained to the the kids that they had so many people in their lives that loved them and would be there for them NO. MATTER. WHAT. Good, bad, and ugly. They could feel comfortable talking to anyone in their family about anything. If they didn't feel comfortable, they had great teachers that would help them in a heartbeat. I explained that problems can always be fixed, tears will always dry, boo-boos will eventually feel better. Suicide was final. Nothing brings you back from that, NOTHING. I briefly touched on the whole bully topic (we aren't sure if that sparked this or not). I told them that once the words are out, they can never be taken back. I saw something on facebook that explained it beautifully. If you are to take a piece of crisp white paper and crumple it, step on it, roll it in a ball, fold it into triangles, etc, then unfold it and smooth it out, you'll still see the lines in the paper. That's a lot like bullying. The person who was bullied feels like the paper, not quite whole and kind of crinkly. The words you speak will always be remembered and leave their heart wrinkled. This whole conversation went over Jakey's head, but Jojo was following it. The kids were off of school the day after learning this news and I took full advantage of the time. We did fun things together, snuggled, laughed, and just enjoyed the company. I wanted them to feel the love oozing from my pores for them and to make them feel safe, secure, and happy.